Björk, Paris, November 1, 2001

Some things in life you just have to share.

Last wednesday evening, I had this terrible headache. Just a nerves' thing. Two weeks before I was on the right track, or so I thought. But then I felt let down again. I have to fight, to live, and keep doing right for myself. Anyway this is anothers tory, but sets up the kind of half-great (cos of what I've been doing for a month now and the way I'm holding on, not giving in to despair), half-fucked-up and helpless state of mind I was in. Believe me, sometimes the pain really does hit me hard in the head.

So, as I reach the Théâtre des Champs-Elysées, I have absolutely no idea what to expect. All that money for a concert, can it really be worth it ? Neatly seated and with a superb view, at least the set-up seems right.

It all starts with the lights going down, and the sound of a music box, the delicate 'Frosti' from the new album, a dreamy, almost child-like instrumental piece, while a corner of the stage bathed in a blue peaceful light. Loveliness is the word. 'Hidden Place' then follows with Björk appearing in a white swan-shaped dress.

To be honest, the first part of the gig is a bit of a struggle to me. It's all lovely, mostly songs for her new album, her voice is sharp, the tunes are just amazingly melodic and everything's so chilled out and blissful. Some tears come to my eyes, but they're mostly tears of regrets. It's a kind of concert I would have enjoyed if I'd felt fine cos it seemed so peaceful and quiet and beautiful. Unfortunately, my mind is in pain again, I can't enjoy the moment, my thoughts are drifting away, maybe wondering about my own problems and how to sort them. At times I just catch the essence of the show, but I am just thinking I'd have enjoyed it if things had gone the way I thought they would, straight away.

The last song from the new album closes the first part of the show fittingly, or at least predictably.

Curtain falls. Entr'acte. A good gig. But. What would follow was just going to show that I had completely forgotten about the wonders and powers of music. And Mankind. The lights dim again. The orchestra plays an instrumental piece.

Then the curtain is raised again.

And there she is. Dressed up in red. And Björk rocks. I don't recognise the song (it turns out to be 'Army of Me' which I don't own until the next day !). Her voice in nearly inaudible, drowned in the violent sounds. As a contrast to the preceding instrumental or the first part of the show, this is powerful. And I think the whole of the audience is stunned. This is a powerful statement of intent, and red suits her fine now. She has strength.

What follows next is anyone's guess, but she wisely refrains from continuing in the same vein. 'All is full of love', with the icelandic choir back to support her, marks the return of the beautiful and the angelic. But there is a feeling that all's been put in perspective now, unlike in the first part. Her voice is more assured, more powerful, more focused. I'm starting to really enjoy the gig. Past hits that awaken the crowds alternate with more recent stuff, and all throughout her voice soars to new heights. So much passion, so much sensuality too, so much strength and belief in such a tiny woman.

The main set climaxes with a powerful rendition of Bachelorette, her voice in full flow, and this second part just blew me away.

And then I don't know what to expect for the encores. I have a secret wish, if only she sang 'Play Dead'. It's such a beautiful and emotional song about the pain someone can involuntarily inflict on you, and you're trying to escape by playing dead, while the other one keeps not understanding. It's so unlike me, cos I think you always have to stop playing dead at some point, and start healing, but nevermind, I do understand the feeling. Anyway, I sort of expect 'Human Behaviour', her catchier first single (yes it's just a way of deflating your own expectations to avoid excessive disappointment - a technique that obviously never works cos you still do secretly expect !!!).

But Björk wasn't to disappoint me tonight, not once. So there it is 'Darling, stop confusing me, with your wishful thinking [...], I play dead and it stops the hurting'.... Tears roll again, tears of sadness, more spontaneously this time and I'm crying. But I'm there, finding myself, finding life, knowing that there has to be a positive twist to every tale if you really bother. It's time to get over all pain, find the solutions; the song ends without me even noticing.

I think it'd be the right ending for the concert, I don't want 'Human Behaviour' cos it'd seem too futile, happy and predictable. How wrong could I be!

There she comes again, after much applause. She whispers a few words (such a beautiful voice, I've never heard anyone speak in such a lovely voice), telling us that before the last song proper that she's gonna sing the only song she knows in French ! So she sings a little rhyme ('Le Petit Cavalier' or something I don't know at all anyway) a cappella. So lovely. That's her little gift to the French crowds, nothing we have to be proud about, just something we have to be immensely grateful for. And then there can only be one song. The much awaited 'Human Behaviour'. The wrong order after Play Dead ? No. I start realising. 'Play Dead' was about pain, but this is about life, the energy in life, and the fun, and humour. From the lyrics to the actual way she performs the song, this is a pleasure to watch. Extreme fun. She's dancing around the stage, she's howling, she's spinning, she's pulling those funny grizzly faces (I imagine, remembering the video for the song), she's a fairy, she's a fury. The whole room goes delirious, she's enjoying herself there and we're enjoying it too ! I feel happy.

Life can't get much better. The perfect show closer then ? Amazingly no !!!!!!!!!!!! There is still one lesson to be learned from Björk tonight, and it's another huge one. I don't know how she pulls that trick, but she manages to do something that nearly dwarves the 2 previous songs in spirit : she plays a new song ! After all, 'Play Dead' was about suffering and being under the cosh. 'Human Behaviour' was about the joy of life, also remembering the time when you could still feel innocent, or maybe also about finding the feeling of innocence again. But if you stall you die. You can't live on past images. Life is not just about understanding the past and re-creating it. It's about moving forward. You have to accept the past and understand it to be able to forget it. You can't just escape or else you will be caught back. There is a future to build, a life to live.

Now.

Before that, she respectfully introduces her to all her musicians, still in her inimitable voice. Simplicity and humility. And then comes the new song ('it's not out yet', she says). Just beautiful, full of clapping (but rythmically rich) hands (the chorists clap in each other's hands), the voice doesn't need to express power anymore, it's just soothing and healing, the pain in the head is long forgotten now. It reaches that stage again when you realise body and mind are just one thing, pure bliss. And the tears are back. Tears of joy ! Even the title of the final song itself fits the message : 'It's in Our Hands'. In every sense.

Epilogue : back outside the real world hasn't changed. Some people areaggressive, some people are defensive, the problems remain. These people need Björk, but they don't even know her. I leave the place with the most massive of grins.

 

On a wider scale : Ossama Bin Laden vs Björk ? I put my money on the little lady there. Here's an idea for you Mister Bush : why don't you send CD players and a batch of Björk albums to the Talebans ?.

On a personal level, the next day I listened to Vespertine again, and it was like listening to the first part of the concert again, that had completely passed me by the day before. Just perfect.

Anyway, if you get the chance to see Björk play live, just go !
Nevermind about paying a lot : this is priceless.